J .............. and I decided to pop into town to do a bit of retail therapy. I drove and the first shop was fine. The second shop was a little less fine and then I needed to return to the car. Anxiety - just plain old-fashioned anxiety. We sat and talked in the car and just as I was beginning to feel better I started crying. I am so over-emotional at the moment it is unbelievable. The crying only lasted about a minute and then I began to calm down and feel better. It's a bit like a kettle boiling, starting gradually and then bubbling over. And, of course, once the kettle has boiled, it stops bubbling and calms down. I am a human kettle!
I refused to stop our shopping trip but needed to find a way of handling it with as little anxiety as possible so, mad as it sounds, I reparked the car nearer to the other shops we wanted to go to. It worked and we did everything we set out to do. At home my energy level really dipped and my mood dipped a bit. I just felt exhausted with all the effort and dishearted by my anxiety. I am so hard on myself. I made great progress and because of a minor setback I am beating myself up. I'm always the same, I take a step forward and then expect to be able to run. It's just my personality.
Had lunch, allowed myself to wallow for a bit and then walked the dogs with hubby. Instantly felt better! I guess it is because my mind was taken off myself and I was focussing on something else. Anway, the walk was great and got home feeling really positive.
Mid-evening I felt really drowsy - is this the Prozac finally beginning to do its stuff? Maybe the efforts of the day were catching up on me. Anyway it passed and the evening was fine.
This morning I woke at 5am (!) so, as suggested by the doctor, I took half a Diazepam then and managed to sleep until 7.30. Strange though because I don't feel like I actually fell back to sleep - difficult to explain. Anyway I woke up feeling a bit anxious and with a feeling of dread. After a bit of wallowing (which I must stop) I got up and began the day. J............ is going home today so we plan to pop out to one last shop this morning. Part of me doesn't want her to go and she is diverting my attention prevent me facing other issues but part of me needs her to go.
Realisation: I now believe that the Effexor withdrawal is over. The drug is well and truly out of my system and the symptoms I am experiencing now are psychological. I have lost an enormous amount of self-confidence and am quite fearful of the future although I have absolutely no doubt that I will return to normal. I guess I am just not very patient! I think now I am going to have to push myself a little harder and stop blaming Effexor for my feelings. The withdrawal definitely triggered the anxiety, of that I have no doubt, but now it is purely my old anxiety problems trying to take control. I believe the Prozac is beginning to work, which is why I am starting to get good days but it does take time. I am impatient!
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