Part two

Since last blog I have been to the doctors. I saw a different doctor who was brilliant. She took my blood pressure, listened to my heart, took blood (to check if there is anything going on we're not aware of) and presented me with a huge bottle to pee in over the next 24 hours! She wants to make sure there isn't any other reason for me feeling so anxious, e.g. thyroid, etc. She was very matter of fact which is just what I needed. Apparently my blood pressure is just as high as it was before so all this withdrawal has been a bit pointless. She wants me to stop taking the Prozac and the Diazepam as, in her words, 'I think we can assume they're not doing any good' and go back on the Effexor. Again in her words 'it's not failing, it's getting your life back'. I'm seeing her next week to get the test results and go from there. I have since discovered that pharmacies can make up lower doses of Effexor by hand if necessary so there is no reason why, when I do reduce again, I can't taper off more slowly as I believe that the fast way I did it is what caused all these adverse effects.

Hubby isn't really very happy with this outcome, but I put it to him that surely he would want me functioning normally again, rather than spiralling downwards? To this he agreed!

My boss came to visit which was lovely. We just chatted and caught up and he is being very supportive.

R.............. has been transferred to a closer hospital which is excellent news although he isn't really improving. I think being nearer to home, where people can visit more often, will boost his morale.

I have felt better today for seeing the doctor. It has definitely perked me up, I feel in control again - taking charge and getting heard. To be honest, I would've started taking the Effexor again a month ago but didn't because I didn't want to let hubby down. Believe me, I don't want to be taking the Effexor again but I need to get on with my life, I need to feel happy and enthusiastic and have energy and want to do things et al.

Tomorrow I begin the Effexor and I must admit I am a little worried how my body will react to the change. There are several options: either I will feel dizzy and anxious (no change!) and rotten or I will feel elated and over-excited, or I will just feel ... normal. I'll just have to wait and see!

It's amazing how taking charge and making decisions can effect the day. I've had a fuzzy head all day but I have managed to take on B & Q and Tesco with no anxiety! Mind you, I am very tired now but it shows how important it is to be in control of your life rather than let someone else make all the decisions.