Another step forward

Woke up at a normalish time (progress!) and headed off with hubby to delivery an engine (don't ask!). Relaxing drive there but felt exhausted by the time we reached our destination. The buyer insisted I come in for a coffee which I did out of politeness and gradually perked up (out of necessity). I am too polite for my own good! Anyway, they were lovely people with a lovely greyhound to fuss over so it wasn't too bad.

And so the journey home. Hubby is very much into bio-diesel and the car we were using is run on this. It causes problems occasionally and this was no exception. The car kept cutting out on the way home which became quite hairy at times and, although I managed somehow to keep calm, I could feel myself slipping into unreality. By the time we got home I was starving and very shaky so quickly ate a sandwich and decided to have a lie down. You would think I would've learned from last time! Woke up after 15 minutes with a start, full of anxiety and panic. With a bit of a harsh talk from hubby I got up and refocussed on other stuff. Washing hair, going on Internet, stuff like that. Sat with half a Diazepam in front of me and am proud to say I didn't take it. The anxiety passed without resorting to medication.

Hubby went out to visit R................. so I had tea and decided to have a cigarette. The adreline rush was incredible and I really went into a panic. Again instead of resorting to Diazepam or a glass of wine I busied myself cleaning the kitchen (all the while trembling) and then sat down with the TV and some knitting. After a while I realised that I was completely calm and relaxed and a big grin spread over my face. It does pass! I can do it without having to take something to relax me. I can take control! My mood lifted and I excitedly told hubby of my experience when he got home. My mood was great for the rest of the evening and I went to be looking forward to the morning. How wonderful!

This morning I woke at a normalish time (again!) with the normal morning anxiety and got straight up, made breakfast and got things going. I have a determination in my mind that today is going to be better. My mood is brighter (maybe because I haven't taken any Diazepam?) so let's see what the day brings.