Little changes

Thanks goodness yesterday was an improvement on the day before! Woke early and tried to do deep breathing exercises which I found hard and didn't seem to help so I took half a Diazepam and got back into bed. It helped as I knew it would. I was a bit wound up first thing even so but once I got the day started things improved greatly. I set out some goals for the day and the best thing was I drove to the chemist alone to collect my prescription and felt no anxiety or fear! On a roll I went out with hubby and did a little shopping. I did not enjoy the first stop, Tesco, and rushed around but still I coped. We went into town and parked as close as we could and went to find some bits for the boat. Thankfully the shops were virtually empty so I immediately relaxed and felt brave enough to try another shop which was busier but not a problem! Great stuff! A little drive onto the next stop which is where I bought some herbal supplements. I did some research and have decided to try to use Valerian instead of the Diazepam, its apparently non-addictive so worth a try. Here I began to flag. Hubby and the shopkeeper found a common interest which kept them chatting which irritated me as I wanted to go. I didn't panic but I did feel my energy drop massively.

Back home I felt exhausted and made myself a drink and something to eat and sunk into an armchair. I then decided to nap. It was bliss to lay down and close my eyes but strangely I couldn't seem to sleep properly. I guess I did nap but not well, and although I felt more energy when I got up, it wasn't an enjoyable experience. Hmm, when I get this energy dip again I'm going to try to meditate instead and see if that helps more.

I went to see a close friend who lives nearby (again driving myself) and, of course, immediately felt emotional. She is great because she doesn't over-react. The tears didn't last very losg and I soon brightened up but I left feeling as if I had almost 'put on' the tears. I think I was expecting to cry and so I did. Maybe they're aren't many tears left!

Once home I could feel the anxiety rise but seemed to be able to cope with it. After dinner had a glass of wine which always helps. Before bed I took a Valerian to see if it would help me during the night. Not really, I woke at 1am and at 6am. Mind you, I woke up feeling more relaxed and laid awhile feeling calm. I have now got up as the anxiety is beginning and thus my blog is being typed!

Today I have a couple of challenges. I have a hairdressing appointment at 12.00 and have to put on a bright face for my niece late afternoon. Silly, such simple things but that's how I'm seeing things at the moment. I think I'll be okay today.