Reaching out

A difficult day. I decided to stay home while hubby did his errands - to see how I would be alone. Not good! Began procrastinating which is the worst thing and the anxiety just kept coming. So with no-one to turn to I had to turn to myself. First I phoned C.................. and apologised for falling out with her. Of course there were tears on both sides but it was good to make amends and be in touch again. So that was good. Then I decided I needed to seek alternative help. Hubby is not a counsellor and I can't imagine the NHS deciding to offer me one so I phoned my previous counsellor T............. and made an appointment for Thursday morning. At least with him I can offload and he guides me and I don't feel guilty.

So after another bit of procrastination and feeling very sorry for myself and a few more tears I took half a Diazepam to calm myself down and began to write Christmas cards which kept me occupied until hubby came home for lunch.

After lunch I perked up (hubby being home?) and we went to visit some friends which was nice. I drove, too! Then we went to the gym. I coped with this easily although I took things easy. I went to bed a bit later than usual with a slight feeling of 'what is tomorrow going to be like?'.

This morning I woke up at 6.00am and the anxiety began. Thoughts began rushing through my head and after a bit I took half a Diazepam and nodded off again, only to awake a bit later still feeling anxious. Grrr! I had alot of anxious thoughts running through my head and these only began to subside once I got up and showered, etc.

Today I am going out with hubby and plan to do some supermarket shopping - a smaller supermarket this time - to see how I feel. I feel fragile and want to be kind to myself today.