It was great to have some feedback yesterday, it helps to feel people are thinking about me, so thanks to those of you who have.
It was a strange day. Really didn't feel bothered about doing anything. Hubby had errands to do so I tagged along, plus visited our sick friend's wife. It definitely helps to have my attention diverted onto someone else's situation.
So here's the pattern I think is emerging: after lunch I have a massive dip. It's as if I can't cope with being 'normal' anymore and everything is all too much and I cry. It's not just a snivel it's a real sobbing session. The weird thing is I don't really know what I am crying about! Just letting out emotions I guess. This time, instead of reaching for the Diazapam (which I really resent taking), hubby poured me a glass of wine. It worked just as well! I'm not a big drinker but when I am in these dips I do whatever anyone tells me and I'm glad I did because it calmed me down. Once calm again, we walked the dogs which really helped. Being outside in nature seems comforting and the dogs never fail to amuse me with their antics.
Another strange thing that is happening is that when I am in one of these lows, I feel a need to be comforted by my neighbour! Let me explain - we are very good friends with our neighbours, especially the husband who I think I am turning to because my father died some years ago. I believe I am using him as a father-figure of some sort. Bizarre! The poor chap doesn't know this because I can't bring myself to put all this emotional pressure on him. I did however tell him yesterday what I am going through and got my hug. Emotional fraility brings out the strangest things that you think you have resolved years ago.
Anyway, the evening was approaching and my niece's birthday party. I adore my niece and will do anything for her so I dressed up and off we went. I felt nervous beforehand but nothing out of the ordinary and coped amazingly well. I drank some wine, probably a bit too much, which unnerved me as I felt out of control (not a feeling I enjoy!). Even so, I lasted a couple of hours before needing to go home. I was exhausted!
Today I woke up feeling a tiny tiny bit calmer (yey!) and decided not to procrastinate in bed until I think I should get up - I just got up when I was ready. Poor hubby didn't get a lie in today! Bit of a headache (wine?) but am now about to walk dogs and get the day started. I'm expecting the dip this afternoon and will probably wait and see if this happens before visiting Mum. I really need to speak to her and tell her what's going on.
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Does it help you to see the pattern to your day so you can be prepared for the dips when they occur? I would have thought so, although I'm not sure how. Maybe you could take a nap when you expect a dip and sleep through it? or is that a silly suggestion? I don't know. Interesting about your neighbour as a father figure, but I guess we all long for the carefree days of our childhood when, if we were lucky, it seemed there was someone who could make everything better.
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