Decisions

Yesterday was bad. I felt very low and anxious. Managed to get things done but I was incredibly anxious for most of the day. Hubby has closed off and is totally fed up with me. Made an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow. The anxiety is so bad I can't think straight and the Diazepam is making me more depressed. After lunch hubby had a meeting to go to and then visited R..................... so I stayed at home and read, knitted and texted. I did some meditation that helped me relax so by the time he got home I felt a little better.

I am really worried about hubby. I think this is starting to effect our marriage. Last night I made a monumentous effort to behave normally. Helping prepare dinner, acting lighthearted and interested in things - I really tried hard.

So this morning I woke up at about 5.30am and did some thinking. I can't let this continue as it's ruining my life. I have support by I can't lean on my friends 24-7 and hubby is suffering badly. Hubby is everything to me and although he doesn't want me to (and we haven't discussed it) I am going to ask the doctor to switch back to Effexor. I have tried so hard but now enough is enough, it's frightening me how my life has just halted. As the weeks go on I am not really improving, just becoming more anxious and confined. For my own sake as well as that of my marriage I need to be sensible and do what I feel is right.

To be honest I don't think hubby will even argue with me about this. I think he needs his own life back now, too.