Okay, so visited hubby's brother with lack of enthusiasm. Visiting P.............. next and I am worrying about it. Managed to squeeze in a successful visit to Tesco. Arrived at hospital nervous but determined and remained anxious throughout the stay. P............... is looking fine, and we had a lovely chat but I just wanted to leave. Thankfully I resisted the urge to flee and the anxiety reduced a little - enough to cope.
I'm so glad I saw P.............. but it has upset me greatly. Shed a few tears at home, probably a release of the anxiety and thought that was it. Oh no, of course not! Had to stop eating dinner when the anxiety turned into panic and I ended up sobbing my heart out. Hubby was great and hugged me and let me get it out of my system but I am so angry at myself. I know you should never beat yourself up but it's only natural. Why can't I do a simple thing like visit a friend in hospital without breaking down? I think I was so wound up beforehand that my body needed a way to release all that negative emotion. I'm so disappointed to have cried like that and felt like that after 4 or 5 days of feeling so positive. I know it's just a setback and it will improve but it's just so frustrating!
Woke up early this morning full of anxiety. We are going to the boat for the day and I'm not looking forward to the journey. Once I got up and got going I began to feel calmer but I am still anxious. The Diazepam is ready in my handbag just in case! I must remember that this is a minor setback and I am still on the way up.
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2 comments:
nice blog post......... hope today is a great day for you :-)
Sounds to me like you did a great job visiting P... which was understandably painful. You did it, and you kept the expression of your stress under control until you were back in the privacy of your own home. I'd say you coped with a very difficult experience extremely well.We all let off at home sometimes, but you kept it all under control when you were out. Well done! I hope you have a good time on the boat. You deserve it.
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