A dry day

Yesterday I didn't cry! That's the first day for at least 2 weeks so it feels like a breakthrough. Got up as usual and went out with hubby just to the bank and newsagent. Fine. Felt a little dip towards the end but handled it by resting with a cup of tea and something to eat. I perked up a little and we took the dogs out. A very windy day but with bright sunshine so I wanted to feel how alive the weather was. We took them to the beach where the waves were crashing and surging - a wonderful sight. We kept the walk relatively short because I began to feel uneasy and didn't want to spoil things. I was ready for home and lunch but hubby wanted to visit our aunt. I was feeling exhausted by this time but went ahead and it was fine. Her daughter wants me to do a sponsored leg wax for the local u13 football team which I do want to do but am concerned about my energy levels. I said yes and am being positive.

Back at home I sat with a bowl of soup and relaxed (!), waiting for my energy to rise. It didn't really but rather than nap, which I could have done easily, I did my Christmas shopping online. Hubby went out to run some errands and I felt quite fine being alone. I was just so tired!

By the time hubby returned I had just finished was was feeling very pleased with myself for two reasons, firstly I had sorted out the Christmas shopping and secondly, and more importantly, I hadn't had a fit of tears. I am reading my Gill Edwards books each day and find them very uplifting and I think they are helping me get things into perspective.

Finally after dinner my energy levels rose enough for me to clear up the kitchen (I was really that tired) and enjoy some TV. I felt happy and very positive and went to bed looking forward to the next day and what it will hold.

So this morning here I am wide awake but not as early as yesterday. My mind is buzzing with all different thoughts. I am still anxious and tried to meditate and deep breathe but my mind is flitting from one thing to another. Sitting here is typing this is helping me to focus and calm my thoughts.

Looking out of the window it is looking very windy and cold, the aim of the day is to visit the boat to drop some things off. We certainly won't be staying in this weather!

One more thing. My birth mother couldn't come as her house had a serious flood warning. I was disappointed but not upset. As I've said before I need to off-load onto her but I can wait another week or so. Maybe we're not ready for it just yet!