A challenging day

I have decided to write my blog in the evening rather than first thing. I think its best to start each day with a fresh slate.

My energy levels are definitely up and I am no longer fatigued in the afternoon which is nice. Pretty good morning until R.......... son called round. He was upset and said that R.......... had had another stroke in the night and was much worse. This upset and frightened me. Upset for his family and frightened because I am visiting him this evening which I was dreading anyway. I hate hospitals at the best of times. So of course I spent the rest of the afternoon working myself up into a right state of anxiety. Decided to phone my friend, C......... Was that a mistake or what?! She was about to have a nap and could she call me back later. She knows about my withdrawal difficulties and she brushed me aside. I was fuming! Told hubby who was disgusted. 10 minutes later C.......... phoned and hubby told her that she had upset me and couldn't talk to me. She obviously realised she had made a mistake. Still fuming I worked it off on the cross trainer which helped calm me down but I really needed to offload on someone other than hubby. Spoke to J............. who said all the right things and helped me to see that I could cope with going to the hospital and would feel better for it. C............. texted me and apologised. Well, she can stew!

Just before leaving for the hospital I felt extremely anxious, dry mouth, shaking, the works. Really gave myself a good talking to and just got in the car and went. I was so nervous but determined not to let R............. down. It was a shock seeing him but somehow I found enough inner strength to cope. Of course I did, it is never as bad as imagined! I am so glad I did it, I conquered a fear and didn't run away from it. Pat on the back for me!

So after having a terribly anxious and tearful day it has ended with success. I am proud of myself for facing my fears and feel I have made a very positive step forward. Sometimes I guess you have to just deal with it!