Keeping going

Yesterday was an odd day. J............. was going home after lunch so in the morning we popped into town to do a little more shopping (did I mention I love shopping?!). I felt anxious, yes, but coped well and didn't rush or hurry. Back at home, however, I had a dip. Felt tired, anxious and emotions were welling up. Eventually of course the tears came but they didn't last long which was good. After lunch drove J............ to the railway station and then went to visit my friend, C........... This particular friend is a nurse and has a wonderful calming aura about her. She doesn't ask how you are she just is there. So anyway I saw her and her family and enjoyed a couple of hours there. So far so good.

Later in the afternoon, when I am usually perking up and feeling quite normal I had another dip. (two in one day?) I kept this one to myself and let the tears out in private, ran a bath which helped and then got on with it. Cuddled up with hubby on the sofa and it all passed. I believe that although I wanted J.............. to visit and enjoyed her stay, I found the effort exhausting and am feeling a bit fragile because of it. I am so sensitive at the moment it is unbelieveable!

This morning I woke up at 4.30(!) took half a Diazepam and managed to sort of sleep until 7.30. The morning is definitely the worst as I have all sorts of thoughts rushing through my head non-stop. The best thing to do is get up and become occupied with other things athough I did try some relaxation techniques first but the thoughts kept interrupting.

So today a work friend, D............. is visiting and I'm looking forward to that. I am feeling very needy and so the more attention I get the better I feel (just like a child I guess). I'm not sure if I am progressing or not but I do know that I am trying to progress and am pushing myself more so that is progress in itself, isn't it?

I am aiming to take up a new hobby of jewellery making to keep my mind focussing on something else and today I'm off to the shops to get some supplies. Isn't this what they call occupational therapy?!!