Stewing

Yesterday didn't go quite to plan. Got up, etc and hubby went to gym. I began dusting and the anxiety just kept coming. Had to deal with my car insurance which I did but it made me anxious. Of course, it took about half an hour but then the emotions took over and I started crying. I am getting so cheesed off with this now. When hubby returned he gave me a quick hug and said 'right you have 10 minutes to sort yourself out because we have to go to the hairdressers'. So I did. Mind you it took half a Diazepam to calm me sufficiently. I coped with the hairdressers, just. I felt nervous but not anxious and began to tire quite quickly. Still, my hair looks better!

At home the choice was to nap, eat or work through. So I had a hug with a few sobs which annoyed hubby (he thinks its him that is making me cry!) and then ate a bowl of soup. Then things started to improve. I think keeping my blood sugar levels up must be very important because the change was quite dramatic. Within an hour I was feeling okay and busying myself about the house, feeling relatively normal.

Visited neice to give her her birthday present and spent a couple of pleasant hours there socialising. Felt tired but that was all. It really helps to be occupied I think and when I am alone my mind starts turning over and I get wound up. I feel consumed by my 'illness' and need to talk to anyone about it to feel relief. I need to change this as I am now sounding like a broken record and there is only so much hubby can put up with!

My birth mother should be visiting today for the weekend which I am looking forward to. However, due to the flood warnings in her area at the moment I have to wait and see if she can actually leave home.

I am beginning to think that the anxiety is now partly psychological. I am fearful of how the day is going to be and so worry myself into a state. Once I see the day isn't getting any worse then I begin to relax (this is one theory). I'll watch and see today. Maybe if I get out of the house earlier then I can change this pattern.