Yesterday I was so determined to move forward. Got up, exercised, made breakfast and got on with day. All with anxiety. Went with hubby to help clear out his workshop which I thought would help keep me occupied. It did for a bit but then woah! Anxiety major. Keeping busy stopped helping and I took half a Diazepam. Boy did that knock me out! It felt horrible and actually frightened me how drugged I felt.
Hubby is trying to get me to cope in various ways - managed to get me into Tesco while I was feeling terrible and, of course, I coped and relaxed a little (I hate it when he's right!). At lunch late which was no good thing as hunger seems to make everything worse and then, well, I felt I needed to let all this anxiety out and didn't know how. I wanted to cry but couldn't. I felt so depressed. Hubby was distant (probably totally fed up with me now) and so I phoned Aunt who wasn't in. It's almost like something is telling me I have to do this on my own. I listened to my meditation tape which really did help focus me and get me back down to earth.
Once calmer I began to see things more clearly. Texted my poor friend and apologised for being such a cow yesterday. After all, how was she to know what I was feeling?! Went out for the evening - just to friends to watch a slide show but enjoyed myself and felt good. Amazing! Why are the days so hard and the evenings fine? Today I am seeing the doctor and I will be asking him this. Maybe my medication needs to be taken at a different time or, as I feel, needs a temporary boost to kick-start.
Maybe this is all in my mind now and nothing to do with withdrawal. They say these drugs aren't addictive but psychologically I am sure they are.
So today I will talk things through with doctor and see where that leaves me. I am going to try not to put any pressure on myself. J............... is visiting tomorrow for a few days which I am looking forward to. I know she will help me clear my head.
The last time I felt this unbalanced was when, you guessed it, my medication was changed from Seroxat to Effexor. I'm sure it wasn't this bad but it was a while ago now so it probably was and I'm choosing to forget. There is an anger I am feeling for whatever reason so maybe I'll try punching some cushions!
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it is never as bad as imagined you said in your last post and I made a note of that because it's so true. Some people don't seem to worry about things in advance, but I always do. I suppose I'm a bit of an anxious person, really, certainly about some things, like getting lost. Maybe I'm foolish for worrying. Like you said, it is never as bad as imagined. But I like to think it's because I have an active imagination. That's my excuse anyway.
Anyway, I just called by to see how you're doing and it sounds like you're coping well at a stressful time, with visiting your friend in hospital. I hope he recovers soon.
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