Changes

Half an hour ago I took my first Effexor - no Prozac and no Diazepam. How do I feel? Well, I'm waiting for a bad reaction (how negative!) but also feeling very positive that this is the best course of action. Hubby considers that I am 'giving in' but how long to I suffer for before I regain control of my life? And how much worse would it get?

This morning I am seeing my counsellor. I haven't seen him for 5 years (since I transferred from Seroxat to Effexor!) and am looking forward to a guilt-free unloading session. I want to talk to him about many things but mainly about my reaction to P............. and R............... (father complex perhaps?) and about how hubby is dealing with my situation (or rather, how I can ease his frustrations).

I weighed myself this morning and in the last 2 months I have gone from 9 st 8lbs to 8st 10lbs totally unintentionally. I admit when I look in the mirror I feel diminished and frail. The veins under my skin are more obvious, even on my face and it hurts to sit in the bath because my coxyx is so prominent. I'm not saying that I'm turning into an anorexic (I am eating) just pointing out that the withdrawal effects have had a very physical effect on me. Hopefully I will now see a gain in weight and fit in my jeans again!