Floodgates

I did my best today. My very best. Drove hubby to fetch his car. Drove to town. When to chemist. You'd think I would feel calmer after achieving all that. Nope, not me! Tried to keep busy about the house but nothing seemed to calm me down. Not even doing the ironing which usually does the trick. I could feel the panic rising all morning and my mood dipped more and more. Totally fed up I took half a diazapam which did absolutely nothing! Eventually sat on the stairs and cried (poor hubby) which helped to release a bit.

Felt able to visit Mum so off we went. As soon as I got there I felt on edge (Mum doesn't know what is going on) and couldn't wait to go. I found it difficult pretending to be fine when all I really wanted to do was let it all out.

Called in on Auntie M on the way home and let it all out. She understands because she has been through it all in the past. I cried and cried. I finally started to calm down a bit and we stayed ages which helped me focus on something else for a change.

I am still feeling shaky but a little calmer. Talking to other people has soothed me a bit and helped me realise I can get through this. This has been the hardest day so far and I am hoping this is as bad as it gets. First thing Monday I am calling the doctor. I need advice now. I will not feel this bad for any length of time if I can do anything to stop it.