Gloomy gloomy

A bit of an Eeyore day. The heavens opened in the morning which never helps my mood. My aim had been to go out in the morning to get some Christmas cards and some shopping but hubby wanted to get some bookwork done so I busied myself about the house waiting for him. Eventually after lunch he was ready to go out and by this time I was completely anxious for some reason. If I think about it I was probably frustrated because I didn't feel I could go on my own. Once out I was very anxious but managed to do the shopping alone which is an achievement, even if it didn't feel very nice.

Home again and the anxiety was at full pelt. I busied myself putting the shopping away and writing cards which eventually calmed me.

I needed to put up the decorations as I have friends around tomorrow night. We got them out and hubby left me to get on with it, which is normal. My mood dipped completely while I was dressing the tree and I shed a few tears. For the rest of the evening my mood has remained low. I am sure it is just a bad day, yesterday was good so I am certain this mood will lift soon. It is just so frustrating to feel good for a bit, and begin to push myself and then to fall back a bit. To be honest, today I have felt lonely. Hubby has been up in the office for most of the day, apart from when he took me to the shops, and I have felt a bit irritated and excluded which is daft because really it was just a normal day. I guess I have got used to being 'looked after' for most of the day so now I need to become more independent. It really bothered me that I was waiting for hubby so I could get things done and I really need to address this. I shall made a concerted effort to go out alone more regardless of how anxious I feel. I know nothing bad will happen to me - it never does. The worst that does happen is I get hot and shaky and that can happen whether I am with someone or alone, I just need to force myself to do things.

Tomorrow will be better. I will visit Mum and I have friends round for the evening so I have plenty of preparations to do.

I must remember how much I have improved over the past couple of weeks. I am sleeping better and I am nowhere nearly as tearful. I am driving more and am feeling happier in general. A few weeks ago I felt low and tearful every day and now I am disappointed when I feel like it for one day! I suppose I just want things to hurry up so I can get back to work and all the confidence that gives me.