Getting on with it

I haven't felt the need to write my blog recently which I guess shows how much better I am feeling. Christmas went quite well and I am now visiting Roger regularly without much anxiety which is a real achievement. My routine is completely out of sync because of Christmas and so is my diet - I have gained 5 lbs and now feel podgy. I am still less than I weighed before all this started.

Basically I feel pretty normal although yesterday and today my mood has been lower than usual. I think this is hormonal because its exactly 2 weeks ago that I felt like this before and I am on a three week cycle which means this is PMT (which I have always suffered from). I'm keeping an eye on it but am pretty sure that is what it is.

Next Thursday I return to work and am both looking forward to it and worrying about it. I had a horrible dream last night where I was late for work with no make up on and everyone was wondering where I was. I guess this is quite self-explanatory. I am worrying about how people at work will think of me and perceive me and how I will get to work okay. I have to drive which is about 7 miles and, although hubby is driving me the first day, I am concerned about panicking during the driving. I will just have to try and see.

My counsellor is being really helpful and I am seeing my emotions alot more clearly. Sometimes things are so obvious but you don't see them until they are pointed out.

I visited my friend, C................, who upset me a while ago. All was fine until she said 'you cannot expect your friends to be there for you'. What?! I took it to say 'you cannot expect me to be there for you'. Our friendship has been floundering since before I was in withdrawal and she has kept well away from me for months. I my mind friendship is two-sided and you should help one another. Well, I have helped her for nearly 10 years and now I feel she has let me down. I am hurt to say the least but there you go.